I just figured something very important out. Several things to be precise.
On a more general note: One reason why I have not been able to sustain a healthy relationship is because whenever I might have the possibility of being happy I automatically manipulate said relationship to the point where I can be hurt by it. Why am I doing this? Because I ultimately don’t believe that I am worthy of someone else’s love and therefor no one can love me. Also and maybe more importantly, I use relationships, intimate, friendly or social, as problem behaviour meaning I use them to redirect myself in an ultimately harmful way whenever I am not able to cope with my emotions. This is a borderline dysfunction similar to cutting – which I don’t do – and binging/purging – which unfortunately I do. (more…)